Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
