After last night, I could never be a politician.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
