Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
