He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
