Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
