My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
