Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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