Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
