I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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