We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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