quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
