In the future we'll all be gay
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
