yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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