woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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