I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
