if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
