I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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