I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
