It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
