And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
