he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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