I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
someone owes me an orgasm
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I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
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I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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