it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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