Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
