i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm bleeding and have questions
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