i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
