I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
