HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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