I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
