the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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