Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
