One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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