i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
