I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize