she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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