i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
