I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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