Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
