should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
