U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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