Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
