Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
