I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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