38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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