This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
