I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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