Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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