its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
