When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
