i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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