you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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