Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
