she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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