My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
