I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize