Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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