she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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