shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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