my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
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I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
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Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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