On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This is my gift to your gina
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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