It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
