I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
