i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
