My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
