I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
