You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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