and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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