whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
