Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
