Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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