well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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