I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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